Amendment 1. Freedom of speech, religion, the press, and assembly shall not be infringed. This, of course, assumes that all speech will be acceptable, pleasant and politically correct, all religions will cooperate with government agendas, all press outlets will print nice things about the government, and all assemblies will be assembled in order to worship and adore the government. Anything outside of that will be monitored, suppressed, prosecuted, punished, fined, and audited. The common good must be protected.
Amendment 2. The right to bear arms is very important. That's why it must be controlled, regulated, and supervised by the government. The common good must be protected.
Amendment 3. Nobody should be forced to provide housing to soldiers. Instead, the government will build thousands of military bases all over the world and force everyone to pay for them. The common good must be protected.
Amendment 4. The people have the right to be free from unreasonable searches and seizures. The government can't search your stuff or come into your home without a warrant, obtained in court upon probable cause. The terms "unreasonable" and "search" and "seizure" and "warrant" and "court" and "probable cause" shall all be defined subjectively and arbitrarily by government agents. None of these words have solid or discernible meanings. Also, if the government needs to catch TERRORISTS then they can pretty much do whatever they want and the people will have to put up with it unless they're TERRORISTS. The common good must be protected.
Amendment 5. Everybody has the right to due process of law, and to be free from self incrimination and double jeopardy. Obviously this doesn't apply if the government thinks you're a TERRORIST. In which case, they are permitted to kill you and then provide evidence of your crimes to a secret court that is set up by the government specifically to approve everything the government does. Due process shall be irrelevant in other small matters as well. Like if the government thinks you're a bad parent. In this scenario, they can take your children without providing any evidence of anything to anyone. Also, if the government thinks you didn't pay your taxes, they can confiscate your property and your money without proof. If it turns out that they're wrong, they'll just give it back to you and be like "oops, my bad." This shall be an acceptable and common practice. The common good must be protected.
Amendment 6. The people have the right to a speedy and public trial, and to be informed of the nature and cause of the accusation against them, and to have the assistance of a lawyer in their defense. Clearly these rights only apply if you know you have these rights, otherwise the government will operate as if this amendment doesn't exist, in the interest of extracting information and gaining evidence with which to hang you in court. Also, if you're accused of committing a violation in a government school, the school shall have the right to lock you in a room and interrogate you for several hours without respect to this amendment or any other. Being five years old will not exempt you from that last statement. Also, clearly, none of this applies if you're a TERRORIST. The common good must be protected.
Amendment 7. You have the right to a trial by jury in civil cases. That is, unless the person or group trying to get money from you is the government. In this case, there are no trials, no juries, no processes, no rights, and no liberties. You pay whatever they want or they wreck your life. The common good must be protected.
Amendment 8. The people must be free from excessive bail and cruel and unusual punishments. Luckily, the words "excessive" and "cruel" and "unusual" shall be entirely up to the government to define. Which is why thousands of people will be locked in cages every year for being addicted to drugs. This is only cruel and/or excessive if the government thinks it is. But the government thinks it isn't, so it isn't. The common good must be protected.
Amendment 9. The people possess many more rights than have been listed thus far. Here are their other rights: Tax funded food, health care, birth control, energy, and housing. Also abortion. That's it. The people have no other rights until the government decides otherwise. The common good must be protected.
Amendment 10. All powers not specifically delegated to the federal government must go to the states. That is, unless the federal government is bigger and has more money and more guns, in which case they'll decide who gets what powers. The states will learn to like it, or the federal government will invade them and kill everyone (again).