"Lil Wayne," if you aren't familiar, is a rapper. He is also a worthless fool. He's a drugged out hack and a disgraceful, witless imbecile. As a lover of music, I would never dismiss an entire genre. They all have redeeming qualities. But I absolutely hate what this mumbling clown represents. His particular brand of "music," if I can call it that, is the soundtrack for the decay of western civilization. I'm not so depressed by the fact that it exists, but by the fact that there's an audience for it. He is the mascot of our Idiocracy. He produces nothing but narcissistic gibberish and faux-tough guy bull sh*t. He's not a man. He's a cartoon. You can not call what he makes music, for the same reason that you can't take a dump in a trashcan and call it art. And I felt this way about him before he stomped on the American flag. 

Apparently, while shooting a "music" video for a "song" called "God Bless Amerika," the drug addicted loser decided to dance on top of the flag. For some reason I decided to look up the lyrics to his latest musical abomination. The "song" is, I guess, a critique of America or something. It's hard to tell. He's not capable of actually telling a story or communicating a message with his words (which is a shame, because hip hop is supposed to be a story-telling art form). Here's a sample lyric: "Same sh*t, different air freshener/I don't play, boy, I ain't Hugh Hefner." And this jackass became a millionaire with lines like that. It's funny, guys like Lil Wayne actually remind me of one of the greatest lyrics ever written: 

And in the streets the children screamed
The lovers cried and the poets dreamed
But not a word was spoken
The church bells all were broken
And the three men I admire most
The Father Son and Holy Ghost
They caught the last train for the coast
The day the music died

The day the music died. This cretin and his compatriots are murdering music. And, by the way, this doofus with his stupid facial tattoos couldn't write a verse like the one above no matter how much weed he smokes. But I'm not interested in typing up a musical critique. I'm interested in shaming any dimwitted delinquent who thinks he's "bold" or "brave" for defacing the flag. He's free to do that. He has the right to piss all over a symbol that men have died to defend, but true patriots should speak out loudly in condemnation. There's a certain outrageous irony to a guy like Lil Wayne stomping on the flag. He is a dude with no talent, no skills, little intelligence, no character, no virtue and no integrity. He grew up in the gutter and then worked diligently to bring the gutter into the mainstream. He's been a criminal his whole life. He's been a ridiculous, embarrassing wannabe "gangsta" his whole life. And yet this country made him rich. He has nothing of value to offer and zero redeeming qualities, yet he's a freaking millionaire. What possible grudge could a guy like that have against this nation? 

Sure, there are plenty of legitimate criticisms you could make about America. I criticize America. I have spoken harsh words about what we've become. When I do this, I do it because I love this country and the freedom it is supposed to stand for. I have read our history. I know what we were. I know our roots. I know our triumphs. I know our battles. I know about Yorktown and Manassas and Iwo Jima. I know that millions of men really have died for liberty. I want what they fought for, and that's why I criticize America now. I criticize America for the same reason that you would speak honestly to anyone you love if they were trying to destroy themselves. I criticize America because I'm a patriot. But I would never, ever, disrespect the flag. Never. If you stomp on the flag, you demonstrate a hatred for America down to her core. And if that's how you feel, why are you here? Have the courage of your convictions and go to a country whose existence and history you don't abhor. 

I wish a couple of Marines could have a few private words with Mr. Wayne. I'd love to see how long he could keep up his thuggish false machismo when confronted by some real tough dudes. Maybe he'd pull out his piece and hold it sideways like a dumbass. I bet they could disable him in two seconds and then smack him around with his own gun for good measure. But I suppose this fantasy will never become a reality. These weaklings tend to surround themselves with gun toting entourages so as to protect them from ever having to take ownership of their bogus bravado. 

So, in lieu of a well deserved smack down, I hope the market responds. I'm tired of these parasitic rappers and pop stars poisoning the water with their sophomoric self worshipping computer generated audio fecal matter. And when one of them becomes so desperate for relevancy that he stoops to vandalizing the Stars and Stripes, that's when we have to proclaim in one loud voice: "Screw you. You're finished." 

Seriously, screw this guy

Everyone is having a lot of fun at Miss Utah's expense today. The Miss USA pageant aired last night. Not to be confused with the NBA Finals, which looks more and more like a beauty pageant considering those wusses can't even be lightly nudged with a small feather without flailing their arms around and flopping to the floor as they scream and writhe in pain. But that's a subject for another day. 

On the other Miss USA pageant, the question and answer portion apparently delivered, predictably, a memorable moment. The chick from Utah was asked, I think, about the "gender wage gap" (which doesn't exist, but I certainly didn't expect a beauty queen to point that out). Well, she didn't do any favors to her gender, or her species for that matter, with this answer: “I think we can relate this back to education, and how we are continuing to try to strive … to …Figure out how to create jobs right now. That is the biggest problem right now. I think, especially the men are … um … seen as the leaders of this, and so we need to see how to … create education better. So that we can solve this problem. Thank you.” 

"Create education better." Words that shall live in infamy. But my point here is not to lambaste this poor girl. That's too easy. Besides, she's a beautiful woman which means her life is hard enough as it is. Instead, I'd like to offer some perspective. 

Most of the people who ridicule these women for their usually vacuous and indecipherable answers would, themselves, also choke if asked to answer an essay question into a microphone. It is NOT an easy thing to do, and only someone who has never done it would be stupid enough to call it easy. I speak into a microphone for a living. Three hours a day. Every day. No script. Delivering unscripted 12 to 15 minute monologues a couple of times an hour. It's one of those things everyone thinks they can do but most fail miserably when they attempt. So when I hear every Tom, Dick and Harry cackle like hyenas when someone embarrasses themselves while speaking publicly, I can't help but roll my eyes. People tell me all the time: "All you do is talk for a living, it must be so fun and easy! I love talking! I could talk for hours!" Right. Try it for five minutes. Just five. No prompter or text to read. Just talk into a mic to a live audience for five minutes. Scratch that. Try it for 90 seconds. I'll give you an ethical question or current controversy to tackle, and you pontificate about it off the cuff for less than two minutes. Chances are, you'll come off as a bigger ditz than Miss Utah on her worse day. I've seen it happen a hundred times. I used to have a little unhealthy fun when someone would email me and tell me how great they'd be on the radio. Sometimes I'd write them back. "Well why don't you come into the studio and sit in on a show. You can try out your natural public speaking skills!" They'd jump at the chance because, obviously, they're awesome at everything so clearly they'll slaughter this thing. Then they're sitting behind the mic, we go live, and I'd give them a softball toss: "Hey, why don't you tell us your perspective on this [insert current event or news story]?" They respond, "Well uh, yeah uh that's a crazy story. Uh I think I'm against it because, like, it seems wrong. Um so yeah. So... Yeah. So yeah that's my opinion I guess." Expertly executed. A moment of true wit and insight. Just I expected. 

I think it stems from the rampant egomania in our society that everyone thinks they can just stroll into a room and flawlessly do something that requires years of practice and a very specific skill set. Stop it. It's annoying. Miss Utah performed horribly but, chances are, you wouldn't do any better. There are a million things I can't do and I generally try not to mock people who do them poorly, because I know they're still doing it a thousand times better than I could. Maybe we should all try on a little humility.

I don't understand people. Everyone points at our government and shouts things like "Corrupt!" and "Unconstitutional!" and "Crooks!" But then, when someone actually takes steps to DO something about it, such as exposing authoritarian surveillance programs, many of those same people turn their back on him and say "Hey, how dare you betray those corrupt unconstitutional crooks I've been complainingabout my whole life!" Our country was founded by people who would have been hung from the rafters if they weren't successful in their campaign against the British. And those men never had the sort of gripes against their government that we do. I can not fathom the insanity of someone who would hail the Founders for the treason they committed against the crown, and then hail our government for the crimes it's committing against the very document those men risked everything to establish. Have we lost our damn minds? This isn't a difficult issue. It isn't controversial. It's easy. The government CAN NOT be allowed to do this sort of thing. I don't care how many times they shout about terrorists. Have we completely lost our backbone? Have we entirely forfeited any notion of assuming even the slightest risk for the sake of liberty? 

I've seen plenty of people rightly hailing Edward Snowden's actions as heroic, but I've also seen many folks, some whose intelligence I once respected, calling him a "traitor." Traitor? Who did he betray? If you say he betrayed America, then you clearly believe that America IS the government. What a disgusting mindset. America IS the people, not the government. Yes, he betrayed the government, and God bless him for it. But how in God's name could you claim that he betrayed THE PEOPLE? He told us the truth and you hate him for it? Are you that much of a submissive masochist that you'd valiantly defend the State's right to lie to you? How pitiful. 

I saw one woman comment saying she believes Mr. Snowden means well, but he should have gone "through the proper channels." Proper channels? Are you freaking kidding me? Sure. Maybe he should have written a letter to his congressman. Yes, more letters, that'll solve our problems! All I know is this: When you're upset at the government, always make sure to go through government channels to address your grievances. Brilliant. Speaking of proper channels, does the government go through them before tapping our phones and monitoring our Internet activity? Apparently not. But we should go through the proper channels when fighting against the government's refusal to go through the proper channels? Interesting. Another guy messaged me, taking issue with my heralding of Snowden, saying the guy should have "voiced his concerns with his superiors." Yeah, I can only imagine how well that conversation would go:

Snowden: Excuse me sir, I have a concern I'd like to discuss with you.

NSA boss: Please, come in and sit down. Tell me what troubles you.

Snowden: Well, there's this thing called the Bill of Rights...

NSA boss: Sorry, you lost me. Bill of what?

Snowden: Yeah, it's, like, the law of the land. It says you can't just go around spying on American citizens, tapping their phone records, hacking into their emails, and monitoring their Internet activity without a warrant and probable cause.

NSA boss: LOL! You crack me up, kid. Hold on, let me get Rick in here. You've gotta tell him this joke. He'll get a kick out of it. 

Snowden: No, seriously. Look, I'm really upset and I think that pretty much everything we do here is blatantly illegal and unethical. This entire American citizen surveillance program that we've invested billions of dollars into should be dismantled immediately!

NSA boss: Ahhhhhahahahaha! Stop it! Stop it! You're killin' me! My sides hurt! 

Snowden: Listen! I'm gonna expose these secrets to the media if you don't take me seriously!

NSA boss: ... Oh. I see. Are you now? OK, well in that case, I guess we should really hear you out. Tonight, some men in a black van will come to your house. Go with them. They'll take you to our special "facility" for whistleblowers and document leakers. The people there will be sure to listen to your concerns and then do what needs to be done to you -- uh, I mean about them. Do what needs to be done about them, your concerns, I mean. Anyway, thank you for opening up to me! We here at the NSA care deeply about freedom and rights and all that happy bullsh*t! Have a good day!

And then Snowden would shortly end up in a prison cell or a pine box. But at least he got there through the proper channels, right?

The Obama Administration is tapping directly into the servers of Apple, Microsoft, Google, AOL, YouTube, Skype, Yahoo, and Facebook in order to access your messages, emails, documents, audio, videos, logs, chats, search histories, and photographs. They can also monitor your live Internet activity, meaning they could be watching me type this right now. If so, I hope they just saw that special message I wrote for them before hitting the backspace.

Hey, but don't worry. Although they functionally and "legally" CAN spy on literally everything you do online, they probably won't. Unless you are a terrorist. Or if you access the Internet overseas. Or if you've ever received a message from someone in a foreign country. Or if you know someone whose friend is on an email list that includes a guy who went to Canada on a business trip four years ago. Or if you've ever frequented the same website as a terrorist. I wouldn't be concerned about that last scenario though, we're only talking about obscure low traffic sites like Facebook and Google.

And don't forget, the government is also monitoring and analyzing the data from every single phone call you make every day all the time. Apparently some people are upset about all of this. I can think of one guy in particular who is REALLY angry about the government trouncing all over our civil liberties and obliterating every wall of individual sovereignty and privacy for the sake of some perverted notion of safety and security. Seriously, take a look at what this guy had to say about all of this:

"This Administration puts forward a false choice between the liberties we cherish and the security we demand... No more illegal wire-tapping of American citizens. No more... spying on citizens who are not suspected of a crime. No more tracking citizens who do nothing more than protest... No more ignoring the law when it is inconvenient. That is not who we are. And it is not what is necessary to defeat the terrorists. Our Constitution works. [We should] set an example for the world that the law is not subject to the whims of stubborn rulers, and that justice is not arbitrary. This Administration acts like violating civil liberties is the way to enhance our security. It is not!"

Yeah! You tell 'em! By the way, that's a quote from Barack Obama in 2007. Barack Obama 2007 apparently really hates Barack Obama 2013. Actually Barack Obama 2007 specifically ran against Barack Obama 2013. Obama's 2008 campaign slogan in a nutshell: "Elect me because I am staunchly opposed to everything I am about to do!" Pretty inspiring stuff. I have to say, I never thought I'd agree with Obama about something, but I totally agree with Obama six years ago. He's absolutely right about the fact that he's a liberty killing tyrant who should be locked in prison and forever remembered as a disgrace and an embarrassment to our nation. Good point, Obama. Well said.

Congressman Barr joined Matt this afternoon to discuss the IRS targeting scandal and talk about his "Coffee with your Congressman" events around the district.  Click here to listen to the full interview:  2013-6-5 - Matt with Rep Andy Barr

I thought I was a tough guy. I thought I couldn't be pushed around. And then I got my ass kicked by two infants. It's time for a self-reevaluation. 

See, it was a nice idea I had last night. My wife had just finished breast feeding, she looked pretty tired, so I told her to go get in bed and get a little sleep. I said I'd stay out in the living room with the babies. It would be a couple of hours until they had to feed again. I had it all worked out, I figured it would be pretty easy. I had a plan: Put a sleeping Luke and a sleeping Julia in their little swing thingamajigs, sit on the couch with a beer and watch the History Channel for a few hours. Wife sleeps, babies sleep, I relax, everybody wins. Perfect plan. What's wrong with that plan? Nothing, nothing should be wrong with it. It was a good plan. 

That's what I thought, anyway. Things started to go downhill rather immediately. In fact, as soon as I plopped on the sofa, took one sip of my favorite stout, and let out an audible relaxed "Ahhh" sound, Julia decided to voice her displeasure with the arrangement. Alright put down the beer, pick up the kid. She stopped crying right away, I guess she just wanted Dad to hold her. Very sweet. Melted my heart. Then Luke chimed in. Ok, put down Julia, pick up Luke. He stops crying. Cue Julia. Ok, pick up both of them. I don't know why they wanted out of their swings in the first place. I mean, these are really cool swings. The seats vibrate, it plays music, they've got, like, mobiles of fish or giraffes or whatever dangling above. I'd love to sit in a swing like that. You have to pay 3 grand at Brookstone for the adult equivalent of something like this. Anyway, good luck explaining that to newborns -- Lord knows, I tried. 

So I'm holding them both. The beer is a lost cause. It's losing carbonation by the second. It's gone, Matt, let it go. Let it go. Then suddenly I hear the angelic sounds of Luke crapping himself. Oh wonderful, it's leaking out of his diaper and getting on my arm. Good thing he's my kid because I usually don't tolerate being pooped on. Julia must have been inspired because she decided to take a bathroom break as well. Fine, hey, when nature calls, right? Put them both down, of course they start screaming but I've gotta run and find the diapers and the wipes. Found 'em. Ok, change both in record time. I used to pride myself on being the fastest tire changer in North America, now I'm gunning for the diaper changing record books. 

Oh look, Pawn Stars is on and someone's trying to sell John Wayne's autographed boxer shorts or something for a million dollars. This will be interesting to watch. Never mind, Julia starts screaming again. Best I can tell, she's upset that she keeps hitting herself in the face with her own hand like a mental patient. I tried to address the issue verbally, using my conflict resolution skills. "Julia, that's your hand and that's your face, stop making the two collide." No luck, she's not listening. Ok, put Luke down and give her the straightjacket swaddle. But now Luke is crying, I think he's gassy. Next thing I know, I'm wrapping Julia in a blanket with my left hand while burping Luke with my right. And so far exactly 13 minutes have passed since my wife went to bed. 

Repeat this process 26 more times, until I finally brought the kids back to my wife for their next breast feeding session. She got one look at me and she could tell I was frazzled and beaten. They broke me. First round knock out, there's no getting around it. As my wife started to feed them, I went back out into the living room and drank my flat, warm beer, simply out of principle. Tonight, the babies and I will match wits again. They won the battle but not the war.